No matter how much I love someone I’m always afraid of opening up. Couldn’t you see that? It took me weeks, months, years to come face to face with my anorexia. This is the only way you will learn about me. Years down the line I might be able to admit to people about my problems, but for now the computer does the talking for me. The only thing I will admit to your face is how I feel about you. Those feelings I have no problem hiding anymore. I once did, because I couldn’t let go how we were treated last time. The pain from that, I couldn’t forget. I couldn’t move past it. The thought was always there, “will it happen again?”, “what will happen this time?”. I wasn’t strong enough to go through it again. I’m still not. I do love you though. Don’t doubt that. Ever. You were my best friend, and now that you’re gone. I feel like another part of me has died. I want you back in my life. But you already know that. I’m off finding myself again. Happiness is the main goal. Day by day I feel myself getting a little bit better. But I wish you were here with me. To help me through it. It’s tough and I need a little push. I want to tell you all about it. I want you to actually care too. I doubt that will ever happen again. So for now, I’ll keep dreaming.
“You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel.”
(via exposingmyheart)
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